Confusion
Today, I'm confused. Life seems to walk one way, then flip around and run in the other direction.
Yesterday, a girl I sort of know came up and hugged me. I'm not sure why at all, but it was a nice thought. I felt pretty good the whole day; I had just gotten a laptop I got for free a while ago working. Life was good, StarCraft ran on it. ^^
Today, however, nothing was very good. I had to inventory all the computers in my school library (about 40 of em), and get their serial numbers, make, model, fan numbers, etc... I didn't see the girl who hugged me all day. People online are complete idiots and don't pay attention to me when I try to defend myself by explaining. They'd rather just yell randomly and not wait for any response before attacking someone else. Why the predatory behavior?
People in general get on my nerves, but not all individuals do. Is it that so hard to understand? I don't like the human race, but I do like some people. Life isn't black and white, it's all gray. But everyone seems to be so dull now, that even grayscale has been reduced to black and white dots appearing as gray.
Also, my computer's started to overheat, probably cause it's been hot here. I can't play full-screen games anymore, so I started working on my media player, Lime Light (http://realityripple.com/software/freeware/LimeLight/), trying to get it to scroll the names of files if they're above a certain amount of characters... But it keeps adding to the amount of characters for some unknown reason, giving a funny expand and contract looking title bar. I've checked my code over a hundred times, and I've come to the conclusion that my eyes hurt. AHH!! I CAN'T SEE MY EYES!!!! Ya, I said it, so what? You laughed. You know you did. If only I could...
As a side note, I'd like to talk a bit on how I react. May be helpful to people who know me. First off, I don't know how to react to anything. When I was hugged, I sort of just stood there, confused. It's happened before, and I still didn't know what to do. When people tell me scary things, you know who you are, I don't quite know what to say or do. "So-and-so almost died." What am I supposed to respond to that? "Oh, that's a shame"? Should I cough in disbelief, even if I believe it? I don't know. Human emotions seem to fall flat with me, and people seem to give them to me alot. (I'm not naming names, but if you think I'm talking about you, you're not the only person, trust me.)I really don't know how to express any of my emotions, and I guess that makes people think I'm unfeeling or something. Or when I do, I do it too much and people think I'm really hurt. The only thing I seem to get across correctly is when I'm listening to music, I can make it clear I don't want it interrupted. What else does one need, after all?
May you stay... Forever young... (Yes, I'm listening to Dylan)
Yesterday, a girl I sort of know came up and hugged me. I'm not sure why at all, but it was a nice thought. I felt pretty good the whole day; I had just gotten a laptop I got for free a while ago working. Life was good, StarCraft ran on it. ^^
Today, however, nothing was very good. I had to inventory all the computers in my school library (about 40 of em), and get their serial numbers, make, model, fan numbers, etc... I didn't see the girl who hugged me all day. People online are complete idiots and don't pay attention to me when I try to defend myself by explaining. They'd rather just yell randomly and not wait for any response before attacking someone else. Why the predatory behavior?
People in general get on my nerves, but not all individuals do. Is it that so hard to understand? I don't like the human race, but I do like some people. Life isn't black and white, it's all gray. But everyone seems to be so dull now, that even grayscale has been reduced to black and white dots appearing as gray.
Also, my computer's started to overheat, probably cause it's been hot here. I can't play full-screen games anymore, so I started working on my media player, Lime Light (http://realityripple.com/software/freeware/LimeLight/), trying to get it to scroll the names of files if they're above a certain amount of characters... But it keeps adding to the amount of characters for some unknown reason, giving a funny expand and contract looking title bar. I've checked my code over a hundred times, and I've come to the conclusion that my eyes hurt. AHH!! I CAN'T SEE MY EYES!!!! Ya, I said it, so what? You laughed. You know you did. If only I could...
As a side note, I'd like to talk a bit on how I react. May be helpful to people who know me. First off, I don't know how to react to anything. When I was hugged, I sort of just stood there, confused. It's happened before, and I still didn't know what to do. When people tell me scary things, you know who you are, I don't quite know what to say or do. "So-and-so almost died." What am I supposed to respond to that? "Oh, that's a shame"? Should I cough in disbelief, even if I believe it? I don't know. Human emotions seem to fall flat with me, and people seem to give them to me alot. (I'm not naming names, but if you think I'm talking about you, you're not the only person, trust me.)I really don't know how to express any of my emotions, and I guess that makes people think I'm unfeeling or something. Or when I do, I do it too much and people think I'm really hurt. The only thing I seem to get across correctly is when I'm listening to music, I can make it clear I don't want it interrupted. What else does one need, after all?
May you stay... Forever young... (Yes, I'm listening to Dylan)
posted by Andy at 8:47 PM
1 Comments:
Ya I guess emotions do fall flat. Some things that are real can't last forever huh. New people come in who are more important and basically you disappear into a past memory. Even if at one time you were everything. You were supposedly the reason they were alive. It's all a lie just to get what you want and now you must lick up the pieces of your heart that have been scattered and must slowly heal the wounds. There will always be a piece of your heart that is broken, but you will move on to greater and better things leaving the past behind and looking forward to the future. A heart's crevice will always be empty for ones first love will always engulf one little part, but one must move on in life and enjoy it.
~me~
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